It’s been a strange spring so far, with most of our favorite outdoor activities put on hold, cancelled, or otherwise changed to create safer spaces for the world at large. So it only makes sense as we spend time in the Great Indoors that we at Life Floor decided it was time to work on our Great American Injury Mystery Novel (an injury mystery is like a murder mystery except far less grim).
We’re flooring experts, not novelists, but we think we may have something here...
Our Cast of Criminals:
The Slippery Sir Amic, tiling on problems and never quite knowing what people are going on a-grout.
The Poor Ian Place, always falling apart at the last minute, a softer touch than most to be sure, but can’t handle the heat.
The abrasive con, Crete, has fallen on hard times. She’s a slippery character and tends to let her experiences stain her perspective, and it always seems like she’s everywhere.
Excerpts From Our Upcoming Mystery Novel
Something always happens after days like these. Folks go out into this whole soaked world and think that they can get away with anything. It’s all fun and games until someone, somewhere, slips up and takes the fall.
That’s where a guy like me comes in. See, I’m a Private Investigator getting to the bottom of this city’s grittiest crimes and slipperiest criminals. Folks call me when they want somebody in their corner to help them get a grip in this crazy mixed up town. What can I say? I’m a softy, especially when somebody’s been dealt a tough break.
After somebody gets hurt, folks like to call me and see if I can get to the bottom of it. I’ve done work all over this city, everything from the top of the tallest stair tower all the way to the full bottom of the slide. It’s dirty work, but a guy like me? I don’t let it get to me. When the world tries to grind me into the pavement, I always get right back up.
Another day, another injury. Time to get to work.
---
The first door I knocked on was one of the folks who seemed to be everywhere in this city. Crete was a con-woman to be sure, abrasive at her best, and able to slide right out from under anyone’s watchful gaze. But she’s been a good source to me before, so I swung by one of her old haunts.
These days I was starting to see some cracks in her slick armor. She’d fallen on hard times before and again, and she had a habit of letting one or two bad spills stain her for good. Didn’t help she was hanging out with a new crowd. Some team over from across the pond, a lowlife calling himself Sir Amic, if you’d believe it. Seems like he never knew what people were going on a-grout, and boy he made a picture.
”Look what square the cat dragged in, if we don’t have Lyle F. Floor. What sort of angle are you working at today?” She said, straight to the point like gravel in your shoe. So I did her the same favor and pulled a picture out of my pocket of the crime scene. “Do you know anything about this? Kid took a dive at the aquatic center over at 4th and 9th. Fell for the water in all the wrong ways if you catch my drift.”
She took a look at the photo with her grey eyes - a con like Crete had seen all kinds of things in her day. Bumps, bruises, abrasions like she was fixing to give sandpaper a run for its money. Sure enough she didn’t bat an eye and played hard ball, “Looks like an everyday accident, Detective. I would let this one slip you by, you wouldn’t want your agency to hit a rough patch.”
Now, I’m not the kind of guy who takes a dive for anybody, and anybody who knows me can say I stick to something like glue when I get a lead on it. I took a look at the photo and saw some telltale signs of rubber pellets around the corners. An unintentional calling card from another old rogue. Chances are if he’s leaving a mess, he’s down on his luck again. Looks like poor Ian Place is probably up to his old tricks again and falling apart on the job. I’d have to take a turn around the city and see where he’d gotten caught up this time. He wasn’t that bad of a guy in the right situations, but when he got in over his head you’d see the breakdown for years.
“I’ll be seeing you around, Crete.” I said.
“Oh, I’m set on that.” She said, closing the door, “I’m everywhere.”
This was fun, but we should probably just stick to making safety surfaces for aquatic facilities… Happy April Fool’s Day!